#10

...you're not as brave as you were from the start

i just want physical contact. i go to sleep every night with my back in knots, my hips aching to be pressed into someone else's. i actually ache to be touched. and of course that includes sexually - nobody in this world should have the dry spells i've had - but i'd settle for someone lying next to me, pinning me between them and the wall and reminding me that i am human and that i deserve to feel the warmth of another human next to me.

these are desperate times, people! and i think i'm desperate, i mean, i want to be ravished like it's going out of style. but then i decided to act on my desperate impulses and put up a posting in the infamous "casual encounters" section of craigslist. i said exactly what i was in the mood for: no-strings-attached sex, just wham, bam and done. i described myself honestly and prepared to exchange pictures via e-mail and pick a winner. and the e-mails poured in! men all over this windy city want to get down and dirty with hacksaw brothers! the best part is that some of them were outrageously attractive, which just seems crazy.

but i can't do it. i couldn't reply to a single e-mail because that isn't me. i'm not a girl that just pops over to a complete stranger's house, takes off my clothes and hopes for the best (except for that one time). What if they're an axe murderer? What if they take one look at me and run away? What if they are into some kinky shit like glass tables?

So I deleted the ad and sat on my bed. Alone. My whole body tingling for any kind of human contact.